Friday, October 5: Happy Birthday Ashton!

Well, today was full of surprises! Yesterday I went in for my weekly prenatal appointment and my blood pressure was pretty high. That, along with my super swollen ankles and protein in the urine signaled that I had toxemia (preeclampsia), so the doctor sent me straight over to Labor & Delivery for an "evaluation." When I got there, I learned that an evaluation meant that I was going to be admitted for a 24-hour urinalysis, and that they were planning on inducing me in the morning (today). That definitely triggered a lot of emotions, and I became very stressed as I thought about our house that wasn't even close to being unpacked yet, and all of the things we still had to do to get ready for baby. I had thought we still had 4 weeks left! I guess I should have listened better when every week I would be sent emails that told me to start getting things ready in case something happened and the baby came early, huh?

So back to today. I was started on Pitocin at 8 a.m. and was told that it would take 12-48 hours to actually have the baby (and I had been so naive to think that it would only take 3-4 hours). Well, when I heard that, I decided that I wanted an epidural. So, they sent the anesthesiologist up about an hour later. When he got to my room, he informed me that he probably wouldn't be able to give me one (what???). Upon examining my back, he told me that there was too much scar tissue from my surgery (not to mention all the hardware) for him to feel comfortable finding the space to put the needle. He said that if he couldn't find it and went too far, he would hit my spinal cord, and we all know that's not good. So the only choice left was to go natural! At this point, I was a little overwhelmed with everything, so this just added to the list and I figured I'd just have to get through it and hopefully it wouldn't be too bad. I was definitely wrong about that!

I could probably write a whole page on how painful it was and how much I wanted to just die and not have to go through the pain anymore, but I'll just skip those boring details and get to the good stuff...like when Ashton finally made his appearance! It actually ended up only taking 8 hours for me to have Ashton (emphasis on only), and we were all pretty surprised at how fast I went from an 8 to pushing him out. The doctor barely even made it in time! When he came out, it was instant relief. I wasn't going to die! I was finally done! I held him for a few seconds before they cut the cord and took him away to look at him and make sure everything was alright. This part is a little hazy for me as I was a little detached and distracted trying to get back into a normal state of mind. But apparently the doctors noticed that Ashton was having a little trouble breathing, and he showed some signs of physical abnormalities that raised some concern. So they took him to the NICU, and Kirk and my mother-in-law, Nanette, went with him.

When Kirk and Nanette came back, they had a couple doctors with them. Dr. Eggert, the neonatologist, told us that there were a few things that were causing them some concern. One, his lungs, which is a normal problem for preemies, since the lungs really develop between 37-39 weeks (he was born at 36). Second was that he had two red bumps that looked like big sores on either side of his neck under his ears. Third, his jaw looked small, recessed and underdeveloped. Fourth, his ears looked a little deformed and misplaced; and fifth, he had another red, sore-like area on the back of his head. All of those things, minus the premature lungs, made the doctors worry that he had some kind of genetic disorder, and that they would be running chromosome tests and others to find out if he had any signs of any kind of syndrome. Poor little guy :-(

About an hour later, after I had had a chance to rest a bit, I was able to go to the NICU to finally see my baby. He was hooked up to several tubes and he was struggling to breathe. He looked so tiny and helpless, and there was nothing I could do to help him...I couldn't even hold him. That was when I kind of lost it. I just couldn't stop crying, and I hated that we were having to go through all of this. I was supposed to be holding my baby and feeding him and comforting him, but instead he was having to lay in a big room surrounded by nurses (awesome nurses, but still..) and annoying machines. But, that's our reality right now, and we're just going to have to push through it and know that it will all be worth it when we finally get to take him home healthy!

Today may have been the hardest and most miserable day of my life so far, but it was also the best. I have a beautiful, sweet little boy and already can't imagine life without him. I'm so thankful that he's as healthy as he is, and I'm so grateful to have such an amazing husband who is already such an awesome daddy. Happy birthday, Ashton!